I Hate Instagram

By: Danny Geisz | February 12, 2020

Project: Insta Dominus

1 And it came to pass that on the tenth day of the second month, Danny rose from his bed in the early morning. 2 Having completed his morning routines, he opened Instagram, and unfollowed 20 people, as was his custom. 3 For Danny’s following to followers ratio was abhorrent in his sight, yet he feared the Instagram bots that had been known to shadow ban his account from time to time.

4 After unfollowing the allotted number of accounts, Danny returned to his home page. 5 And behold, there before his eyes, Danny witnessed his posts from the previous weeks. 6 But lo! As Danny looked upon the images he had shared, his wrath burned against that which he had created. 7 And he said to himself, “Never before have I created something so lacking in originality and meaning. Come, let us destroy this account I have created lest it inflict another citizen.” 8 For while the pictures Danny had posted had been meant for an interesting project, as before in previous years, the meaninglessness of Instagram weighed too heavily on his soul, and he sought to only to destroy his account.

9 Danny turned his countenance upon the Account Settings page within the app, and behold, he scrolled from the top of the page to the bottom. 10 And not finding the option to delete his account, Danny began searching through all Settings pages, hoping to find that which he sought. But even as he searched, his every attempt was thwarted as the Account Delete option was hidden from his sight. 11 In his frustration, Danny turned his countenance to the sky and wondered: “Why can I not delete this thing that I have created? For this account is a blight unto the land and must be hastily destroyed.”

12 But it had come time for Danny to climb the hill to enter into Berkeley Lab, and so he closed the app, and began the walk to the bus stop. 13 And Danny was given temporary relief as his research distracted him from the horrors of his Instagram account. 14 But when the time had come for Danny to leave the lab, Danny was reminded of his struggles earlier in the day. And behold, Danny opened his laptop, intent on enacting destruction upon Instagram.

15 And Danny was filled with joy, for after a Google search, the Account Deletion page which had previously been hidden from his sight was revealed unto him. 16 And from where he sat, Danny finally brought destruction upon the account that had been plaguing him. 17 And that is why, even to this day, the link upon XFA to Danny’s Instagram redirects to a page stating: “Sorry, this account isn’t available.”